Not Ready to Graduate

Author: Ann

Personal Stories

Why Can’t We Be More Like Seagulls?

Ah, seagulls. Those beachy avian mischief-makers, the feathered freeloaders of the coast. In our travels we love to watch our feathered friends easygoing, carefree style, thinking…..why can’t we be more like seagulls. Let’s delve into the reasons why humans would benefit immensely from adopting the seagull lifestyle.

1. Eating Habits: The Seagull Buffet

Imagine a world where meal preparation is as simple as swooping down and snagging the nearest available morsel. Seagulls are masters of improvisation, turning half-eaten hotdogs, discarded French fries, and even the occasional ice cream cone into a feast fit for a (feathered) king. If humans could adopt this laissez-faire attitude toward dining, we’d never have to worry about cooking or cleaning again. Just imagine the possibilities: “Hey, what’s for dinner?” “Whatever you can grab from the neighbor’s BBQ.” We were in Venice where the gulls are brazen food thieves and saw a seagull swoop down and pilfer an entire piece of pizza from an unsuspecting patsy casually opening his dinner fare. We’ve heard seagulls are opportunistic feeders, but really?

2. Traveling in Style: The Seagull Commute

Seagulls don’t sit in traffic. They don’t endure the endless stop-and-go of rush hour or the sardine-can conditions of public transport. They take to the skies with effortless grace, riding the thermals and enjoying the view of the coast or the hills. If we could sprout wings and glide from place to place, think of the benefits: no more traffic jams, no more road rage, and a significant decrease in our carbon footprint. Plus, we’d get to poop on the cars of people we don’t like, no more wife’s backseat driving! Win-win.

3. Social Structure: The Seagull Society

Seagulls have a unique approach to social interaction. They gather in large, noisy groups, squabble over scraps, and then go about their business with nary a grudge. They are highly social birds with strong social structures and hierarchies. Human society, by contrast, is burdened with complex social norms, office politics, and the occasional family feud. If we adopted the seagull model, we’d have more time for the important things in life, like sunbathing and dive-bombing unsuspecting tourists. Alas, with the hierarchical system of gulls we could be in the same shape we are in now.

4. Adaptability: The Seagull Resilience

Seagulls are the ultimate survivors. They thrive in bustling cities, serene beaches, and everything in between. They’re just as comfortable scavenging in a landfill as they are stealing chips from your beach towel. This adaptability is something we could all learn from. No more stressing over changes in plans or the occasional curveball life throws our way. We’d just adjust our course and cruise through life.

5. Glamorous Locks: The Seagull Aesthetic

Seagulls never worry about bad hair days. Their sleek, streamlined feathers are always perfectly in place, whether they’re battling a coastal storm or catching some rays. Imagine the time and money we’d save if we didn’t have to worry about haircuts, hair products, or that inevitable “just rolled out of bed” look. Not having to answer the most difficult question, does this make me look big?

6. Environmental Awareness: The Seagull Clean-up Crew

Seagulls are nature’s garbage disposal units. They keep our beaches and streets free of edible litter, proving that one bird’s trash is indeed another bird’s treasure. If humans took a leaf out of the seagull’s book, we’d be much better at recycling, upcycling, and reducing waste. And let’s face it, a world where everyone pitches in to clean up after themselves (and others) would be a far tidier place. No more, hun would you take out the trash!

7. Vocal Skills: The Seagull Serenade

Seagulls have a distinct call that can be heard for miles, and they’re not shy about using it. If we embraced our inner seagull, we’d be less inhibited about expressing ourselves. Imagine meetings where everyone just lets out a loud squawk to signal agreement or disagreement. It might be cacophonous, but it would certainly be clear. No more passive-aggressive emails or ambiguous feedback – just pure, unfiltered communication. Well, some traits of seagulls are like ours, the squawking, wailing, could be complaining of their day!

In conclusion, the seagull life is one of freedom, adaptability, and a delightful disregard for the mundane worries that plague us humans. So next time you see a seagull soaring overhead, don’t just shoo it away or guard your sandwich. Take a moment to appreciate the carefree existence it represents. And who knows? Maybe in our next life, we’ll all get a chance to trade our worries for wings and enjoy the carefree life!

Family

Why We Don’t Want to Grow Old: A Humorous Exploration

Ah, aging—a relentless process as certain as taxes and that mysterious leftover in the back of your fridge. Despite all the “aging gracefully” talk, let’s be real: the prospect of growing old is about as enticing as a root canal. Ah, the inevitable march of time. The calendar pages flip, the birthdays accumulate, and suddenly, you’re in a heated debate with a teenager about how “back in your day” music had real instruments. Let’s face it, getting older is about as appealing as finding out your favorite pizza place just went vegan. Here’s why staying forever young sounds like a much better plan.

1. The Wrinkle Whisperer

Remember when you thought crow’s feet were just the name of a bird’s footprint? Those were the days. Now, your mirror’s reflection resembles a road map of the Grand Canyon. Each wrinkle is a badge of honor, they say. Sure, if your life’s goal was to look like a topographical map.

2. Metabolism Mysteries

There was a magical time when you could inhale a double cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake without a second thought. These days, looking at a slice of cake means doubling down on kale for a week. Your once raging metabolism has slowed to a crawl, lounging on the couch with Netflix and a bag of chips.

3. Tech Torture

Tech support used to mean showing your parents how to set the VCR. Now, it’s you who’s bewildered by the latest gadgets. If you’ve ever had to ask a teenager to explain a TikTok trend or fix your smartphone, you know the pain. Just remember, it’s all fun and games until you’re locked out of your own smart home.

4. Doctor Dependency

The doctor’s office becomes your second home. Gone are the days when a check-up was an annual inconvenience. Now, it’s a bi-monthly saga featuring exciting episodes like “The Battle of the Blood Pressure” and “The Cholesterol Chronicles.” Forget “Grey’s Anatomy”—you’re living it.

5. Fashion Faux Pas

Remember when you cared about being trendy? Now, you’re all about comfort, and elastic waistbands have never looked so appealing. Your teenage self would be mortified to see you rockin’ those orthopedic sneakers. Fashionista to functional—it’s a journey.

6. Memory Mishaps

Ever walked into a room and forgot why you’re there? Of course, you have. We all have. It’s like your brain has its own little game of hide and seek going on. The glasses-on-the-head trick is just the beginning. Soon, you’ll be forgetting where you put your car keys…while they’re in your hand.

7. Sleep Sagas

Remember when you could sleep through a marching band? Now, a pin drop wakes you, and insomnia is your new best friend. You’ve tried everything—warm milk, counting sheep, lullabies—only to find yourself wide awake at 3 AM, contemplating the universe and your aching back.

8. Energy Enigma

Once upon a time, you were the life of the party. These days, a “wild night” means staying up past 9 PM watching reruns. Your energy reserves deplete faster than your phone battery. A power nap is no longer a luxury; it’s a necessity.

9. Nostalgia Overload

You start sentences with “Back in my day…” more often than you’d like to admit. And it’s not just the kids who roll their eyes—your peers do too. But hey, at least you remember when music had lyrics you could understand, right?

10. Physical Fitness Fables

Exercise used to mean fun activities like running and jumping. Now, it’s more about carefully stretching and avoiding injury. Yoga sounds peaceful until you realize you can’t get out of the downward dog without help.

Conclusion

So there you have it, a playful look at why growing old isn’t exactly on our bucket list. But let’s end on a positive note: with age comes wisdom, a refined taste in cheese, and the perfect excuse to take naps. Growing old is a mixed bag, like finding out your favorite childhood candy now tastes like flavored cardboard. But amidst the grumbles and groans, there’s a silver lining: you’ve got a lifetime of stories, a repertoire of dad jokes, and the perfect excuse to be a bit grumpy. And let’s not forget, there’s always the senior discount to look forward to!

So, here’s to not growing old too fast, NOT READY TO GRADUATE to that big stage in the sky. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the mishaps, and remember: age is just a number, but naps are timeless.